5 December 2013

MY PRE-SCHOOL WOBBLE



You might remember this post detailing my first time mama nerves about F's taster day at pre-school. After months of fretting, stressing and postponing pre-school the time has come to hand him over. In fact he should have started in September but I bottled it, convincing myself that in January he/I would definitely be ready. So this week we were back to square one and heading to another taster day, this time on a different floor with older kids. After all the praise and prep for pre-school I've put in over the last six months I though this would be a doddle.

I could not have been more wrong. What should have been a calm drop off turned into an onslaught of guilt with a red faced, sobbing and slightly hysterical toddler wrapped around my leg. Him choking out the words 'mummy don't leave me, don't leave me'. That's heartbreaking stuff right there.

All the soothing tones and face strokes couldn't sway him and so I waited for a moment of distraction to make a quick and quiet exit. No screams, no hollering to be heard, I naively thought that he was fine and headed off for two precious hours of toddler free time. On my return I found him standing frozen in the playground clutching his toy dog to his face, while other children played around him, his eyes puffy and red. I rushed in all smiles and kisses, snuggling him into my hair while a quiet voice whispers to me 'I've just been standing here waiting for you, you came back'. That, right there. Heartbreak a thousand times over. How could he think I would not come back for him, that little face. So I had a pre-school wobble. Is he ready? Is this the right one? Will he be ok? I am assured ten times over that he has been fine and only got emotional towards the end of the two hours, and I know deep down that he'll love all the activities and making new friends. Oh the guilt of motherhood to come. The knowledge of responsibility; that sometimes I will have to make decisions he won't understand. Me, this 33 year old woman muddling through.

I breathe, we hold hands and head home. He still isn't sold on the idea but I'm sure come January he'll be fine and fingers crossed I will be too.



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15 comments

  1. That's so tough. I was 'lucky' in that D has been at nursery since he was one and the preschool is just the next room up where he is.

    Having said that though, after the summer holidays every year (I'm a teacher and keep him off most of the summer) we always have a bit of a wobble. It soon passes though - there is so much to do and so much to be involved in that they soon forget. I can't deny it might take a little time though - maybe a week or so.

    I also warn you that he might be absolutely exhausted afterwards for the first few weeks, then for the last few weeks before the end of term!

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    1. Thanks for the warning, he totally crashed out after only two hours so who knows how 8.30am-3pm day will be for him. Definitely going to stick with it though, I'm sure he will love it when he's over the initial change.

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  2. oh hun!! that sounds so heartbreaking! I wonder if it's a bit harder if they start later on? As you know Wilf started nursery at 18m and it was really hard to know at the time if it was the right thing, I cried for the first week and he cried for the first two sessions. And then just like that he loved it. Now he asks to go to nursery/doesnt want to leave etc and I know it was the best decision we could have made but I really feel for you! lots of love xx

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    1. I think you're right because he's older he can definitely vocalise his concerns and emotion pulling at those heartstrings more. I think a few more settling in sessions will be better for him and also him being on the next floor down for slightly younger kids xx

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  3. oh!!! This is my biggest fear! My little girl is due to start in January - i'm so worried that she'll not manage without me with her ... eek! I just keep repeating to myself that she will be ok, she has to be, right??

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    1. I'm sure she'll do great! I have my fingers crossed for you that it will all go smoothly. I think I was just shocked as I didn't expect it to be that full on. He is a sensitive soul bless him x

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  4. It's so hard when they first start pre-school. I have had children like yours who are horrfic to drop off and make you feel guilty all day and then there is Eliza who ran in on her first day without a glance back or a goodbye - charming!
    It will get easier and he will look forward to going - i promise!

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    1. Thanks for the reassurance, I'm hoping he'll adapt quickly and start to love it. Just got to stick with I suppose and hopefully it will get easier :) x

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  5. Ohh goodness it's so hard, and it's hardest of all for you. We didn't have this, but we did go through a bad phase when Bug was being picked on physically by another boy, and his bottom lip started to go every time I left. It killed me to leave him there. But he did get past it, and he's a happy sunny boy now. I do hope you get through this phase quickly x

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    1. Oh bless you! I think I would be beside myself if I thought someone was picking on them. So hard to let go a little when all you want to do is protect them and make them happy. I'm still hoping that he will love it once he gets used to it x

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  6. Oh bless..It is definitely hard and heartbreaking...but stick with it and hopefully soon he will be so settled that he wont even remember to say bye to you when you leave!

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    1. I would so prefer him to be excited and run off without saying goodbye, then it's only my upset I have to deal with x

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  7. Oh it's hard stuff to take as a mother - I had similar experiences with mine, every one and it is tough. It's a shame pre-schools don't offer a service where they text you a photo of your child happily playing and laughing away later in the morning - that would change things!

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    1. That is such a good idea! They should invent a preschool app! x

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  8. This was heartbreaking to read, I'm sure in no time he will get used to it and will love it. My son will be starting pre school in January and I am just assuming he won't even notice I'm not there but I'll probably be taken by surprise and end up in the same situation.

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