6 December 2017


rainbow baby, motherhood, pregnancy after miscarriage, in denial about pregnancy, seven year age gap

So it turns out I haven't quite been keeping track of my pregnancy on here, or elsewhere for that matter! No weekly bump shot, no dear diary journal, no weekly Instagram updates. In fact I'm wondering if this little girl might look back and feel a little disappointed at the lack of evidence of her growing in my belly? 

I mean this photo isn't even that recent! I think I must be around the 26/27week mark here and I'm oh so close to 34 weeks as I type! *bad mum.* For me, the impending arrival of this little bubba has been punctuated with hospital appointments, midwife check ups, health visitor visits (yep already), the antenatal psychologist and the the occasional jolt of reality that this is happening. 

As much as I am SOOOO aware that this miracle pregnancy is progressing, I still feel that I'm slightly living in my own little world of denial, occasionally we will have a chat about how we will settle into a family of four, or how Felix will cope with the change, but mainly I have just been focusing on the day to day. Little kicks from within, reflux, leg cramps, and the occasional scan to reassure me that everything is progressing like it's supposed to. 

The house is still pretty void of baby stuff, in fact I would go as far as saying there is no real sign that she'll be joining us soon. Something I need to remedy quite quickly! Recently a friend gave birth and I cried. Not just tears of happiness for her, but the realisation that this time there will actually be a baby in my arms, rather than being sent home with an empty tummy and broken heart. I think this is what I've been hiding from. 

The idea that something could still go wrong, the reality that soon I will be a mama again, that after six years of heartache I can finally believe this is going to happen. 

So as my body tells me to slow down and rest, I'm making it a little promise to be a bit more present, to take a few belly shots, to take courage and share a bit more of myself and to fill the house with the excitement a new baby brings. 

rainbow baby, motherhood, pregnancy after miscarriage, in denial about pregnancy, seven year age gap

Oh and this pic? Well it's pretty much an accurate representation of how tired I am, even it was taken several weeks ago ;)

Linking in with Bumps & Babies


  1. Sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time. Sounds like you’ve been through so much. I hope you manage to enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy and the preparations that brings x #Bumps&Babies

  2. You look absolutely glowing here and I love your outfit. I need to dress more chic still while pregnant. hahaha That top is beautiful on you and love the coat. I didn't document either of my first two so don't worry hunny and you can get all the essential in a blink of an eye online in one shop, car seat, first week of clothes and some diapers and wipes is all you need. MM came a month early and I had nothing she is fine. hahaha I am so so excited for you. THANK YOU so much for joining in my BUMPS & BABIES linky I can't wait to read all the baby birth and baby milestones for the next year if you share them. I am hitting the half way mark and everyone's post is making me excited. Although it seems everyone else is having girls but me hahaha the prince for all the princess. #bumpsbabies

  3. You look fantastic - such a neat bump! What a journey you have been on though - I hope the remainder of the pregnancy goes well :) x

  4. You look great. I can't imagine what you've been through but now i've read it, it makes sense why you've been feeling/acting that way. Mind you I had nothing ready at that stage on my last pregnancy but that was purely because of how disorganised and busy I was lol x



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