12 October 2015

AND THEN YOU WERE FIVE

I had all intentions of posting this at the weekend, to celebrate you turning the big five! In fact I did sit down to write something several times but my emotions got the better of me. So I switched off and enjoyed the moment, being in the weekend with my you, eating cake, opening presents, surrounded by all the family, running around in Transformers outfits – yep me included – at your party and generally doing whatever I could to make your day special.

But I didn't want to let it slip by without reflecting on what this day means to me, to us.

Yep I officially have a five year old, FIVE! I'm sure I said the same when you turned four and there's no doubt I'll greet each year with same bewildered smile as weeks and months blend into years...and yet I'm not quite ready, in fact I don't think I've ever been ready for any of this, but somehow you've always known that and that's OK.

When you first entered the world not crying as expected but silent, wriggling under my gown blinking up at me I panicked. This small new person loving me, calm in my arms knowing I was safe even though I was scared. I asked for you to be taken off me, to be handed over to your daddy, and still you stayed calm. No tears, just quiet and seemingly patience, waiting for me to catch up to you.

Over the years you have remained that way. My beautiful boy, so calm and kind, you have been patient with me and loving, always loving. In times where I have been swallowed by grief from babies lost, struggled under dark clouds, where tempers have frayed and I have felt lost, you have been a beacon of light in stormy waters. You have shown such kindness and love, with whispered words that could melt a thousand hearts. When I felt like I was not enough, you hugged me closer and when I thought I was about to break inside you made me smile, and no doubt as I teach you all I know and help pave your way in life, you will undoubtedly teach me more than I could ever imagine.

...and now you are five, starting school, navigating your own little life and I could not be more proud of you. My little love, my boy.




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22 comments

  1. oh this is so sweet. imagine looking back on this in another 5 years when he's 10! happy belated birthday to him :)

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    1. Thanks hon! Gosh I can't even imagine having a 10 year lol I bet he'll be taller than me! x

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  2. Oh Lori, this is so beautiful. You're lucky to have such a fantastic little boy, and he's so so lucky to have you as his mum xxx

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    1. Thank you lovely, yep I am one lucky mama xx

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  3. Oh I hope he had the happiest of weekends! I don't think I've been as surprised or blown away by everything that has come with parenting in the last (nearly) five years either. But what a sweet little boy you have and you should be very proud!

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    1. It so crazy how much changes when you have a little one ay! I can't even imagine what teenage years will be like, porbably trouble if was any thing to go by ;) x

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  4. Such a beautiful post. My little girl has recently turned five too and I honestly don't know where the time has gone. It sounds like you have a very special little boy Xxxx

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    1. It does fly by, it feels like I blinked and I almost missed it! Happy belated birthday to your lovely little lady x

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  5. This is beautiful Lori, it brought tears to my eyes. I love reading your posts about your son & seeing your photos, you always look completely in love & in sync with each other....he's a lucky boy Xx

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    1. Aww thanks Simone, he is super special and I count myself so lucky that I got to be his mama. xx

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  6. Such a beautiful post for a beautiful boy. Happy birthday little one. Five is a very fun age! x

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    1. Thanks, I'm exicted to see what the next year brings! Five is fun for sure so far x

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  7. This was so gorgeous to read Lori. So much has happened in those 5 years! Loved the reflection on his birth and comparison with how it is now, I think a child's birth definitely affects their birthday. Happy 5th birthday to you all! 5 has been a wonderful year so far for Elfie and I hope it's fun for you too xx

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    1. Aww thank hon, it certainly has been such a massive journey for both of us. I'm excited to see what adventures we get up to now he's five! x

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  8. aww Lori this is such a sweet post, he is such a lovely little boy and I think you've done so well. I bet he will love to read this back when he's older xx

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    1. thanks lovely, I certainly hope he can be as proud of me as I am of him when he gets older xx

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  9. It is a beautiful letter to your son. I almost cried. You reminded me that I am also a precious one for my mom. Thank you.

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    1. aww thnak you and yes I think us mamas forget how important we are to our little ones and how much they love us unconditionally. x

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  10. Blinking back the tears and swallowing hard...such beautiful words from an amazing young woman, mother, wife and daughter to her equally amazing son...simply beautiful...with my love xxx

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    1. Aww thanks you're too kind Lisa! I was certainly blinking the tears when trying to write. xx

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  11. Such a beautiful and heartfelt post - really lovely. Also a big Happy Birthday to F!

    Laura x

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  12. Thanks lovely we had such a fun day and can't believe he's on the count down to Christmas now! eek x

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