I know the ups and downs of motherhood as I stumble through it every waking hour, but I can not know what it feels like to be a dad. Such a different relationship, yet the same. As I feel at the centre of my journey with F, completely intertwined; from peeing on a stick, fighting off the nausea, stomach swelling, those first kicks and movements deep within, the waves of contractions, surrendering to pain beyond measure, his first need of milk as he latches hungrily on. It seems I am the centre of his world, and then there is daddy.
No less fierce in his love for him, I wonder if he feels somehow stranded on the peripheral. As I have been home with F since he entered the world, I imagine how it must feel to constantly walk in and out of the day to day.
In this role of daddy he nurtures and guides this small boy, he plays and laughs when he's exhausted, he holds his hand when needed and relinquishes it readily when he calls for me, he is strong when I can not be, he is calm and controlled when I start to lose the plot.
He is silently there, ready incase he should fall. This man who has become a father.
An early Happy Father's day to you. x
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